Social media and intranet case studies, best practices, & evolution by Toby Ward.
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View Article  25 random things about my intranet
Following in the vein of the the “25 random things about me” that is sweeping through the profiles of Facebookers around the Web, here's “25 random things” from an anonymous intranet following an exclusive interview with IntranetBlog.com (yes, I provided the translation):


  1. Executives don't seem to care much for me but the communications, HR and IT people fight over me!

  2. Communications sort of owns me, but HR kind of does too... and IT owns part of it, but I'm not sure what part.

  3. Our CEO uses me all the time; last month he had his assistant look-up a phone number.

  4. I have many neglected sisters that I've never met, but we all look and act different (I'm the cute one though). (tip to Julian Mills)

  5. My home page design is really, really cool.... if it was 1994.

  6. I'm so old and out-dated that I'm retro cool. Hush Puppies have nothing on me.

  7. Microsoft doesn't run me yet... but they will! (They already pimp my sisters).

  8. I kinda have content management; it's called Dreamweaver.

  9. Governance? No, we're Canadian, we have premiers.

  10. Personalized portal? We don't have time for that...

  11. Intranet blogs? Absolutely not; legal considers them more dangerous than terrorists..

  12. Wiki? A what now?!

  13. My peeps always complain that they “can't find anything!” on me; and yet they refuse meta tags...

  14. Information architecture is for suckers

  15. Our employees don't visit our vision and values page, but they flock to the caffeteria menus (meatloaf is surprisingly popular.... “MA! THE MEATLOAF! What is she doing back there?!)

  16. Why hire an outside expert to help when we can close our eyes and 'hope' it gets better...? (The summer student intern program will be our 'tippint point').

  17. Employees use Facebook more than they use me.

  18. We just banned Facebook.

  19. The budget we spend on art for hallways is 10x my budget. What's the ROI on paintings, huh?!

  20. The budget we spend on coffee swizzle sticks is 2x my budget. ROI not required.

  21. I have a budget?!?!

  22. What's my name again?

  23. Homeland security doesn't consider me a threat (yet).

  24. I don't have any video, intranet 2.0, or anything innovative... but not to worry, I hear the Telex is going to make a stunning comeback.

  25. The search engine doesn't suck! You suck!


The above opinions expressed by said intranet in no way reflect the opinions, secret thoughts or previously blogged or tweeted advice of the author, the Microsoft Corporation, or the writers of Wedding Crashers. Any resemblance to real persons, intranets, or meatloaf living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Batteries not included.

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View Article  Holiday Eating Tips

I didn't write any of this but I concur:

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if  you see carrots, leave immediately.  Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.


2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare.  In fact, it's even rarer than single- malt scotch.  You can't find it any other time of year but now.  So drink up!  Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?  It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!


3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.


4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk.  If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.


5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's  food for free. Lots of it. Hello?


6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.


7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the centre of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.


8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When  else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labour Day?


9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.


10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.


Remember this motto to live by:


"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"


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View Article  Barack Obama’s Web 2.0 to-do list

Here’s my (Toby Ward's) “Web to-do list” for President-elect Obama:

1-     Facebook friend invite Dick Cheney

2-     Horrified by his friends list, “remove” Dick Cheney from friends

3-     Redesign the country-western motif of the White House Intranet

4-     Mapquest “Taco Bell” with directions from 1600 Pennsylvania

5-     Do YouTube video serenade with Hank Williams Jr (see Toby’s video w Palin)

6-     Google “pest removal rednecks”

7-     Remove Flickr slideshows of me and Kid Rock by the lake “smoking funny things”

8-     Post flattering average-Joe (the plummer) pictures and comments of the White House on TripAdvisor.com

9-     Pre-order Barney and Miss Beazley tell-all biography on Amazon.com

10- Hire Dick Morris as guest blogger for new White House blog “What Keeps Me Up at Night” (hehe, you politicos will get that one)


ALSO READ:

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View Article  Barack Obama’s to-do list

U.S. President-elect Barack Obama’s to-do list (from Gerry Flahive, The Globe and Mail (Canada):

 

1.  Buy puppy.

 

2.  Return You Don't Mess with the Zohan DVD to video store; ask for refund as it kept skipping on special features.

 

3.  Fix global economy.

 

4.  Win war in Afghanistan.

 

5.  Choose puppy name from short list: Carbon Neutral, Alexis de Tocqueville or Mr. Giggles?

 

6  Buy chew toy for puppy (or several?  How fast do they go through these

things?)

 

7.  Renew our historically strong ties with the Dominion of Canada, asserting America's respect for its cultural and political independence, and ever-so-delicately renegotiating only several small clauses in the North American free-trade agreement, all the while assuring the Canadians of our sincere goal of improving trade without harming that nation's vital potash industry. (Canadians will laugh hysterically to this… the others will scratch their heads. It’s a cultural thing).

 

8.  Train puppy.

 

9.  Find out if suede is considered "presidential."

 

10.  Send change-of-address form to post office.

 

11.  Return the $150,000 worth of Nike basketball shoes to the Democratic National Committee.

 

12.  Change status on Face-book to "is now president-elect."

 

13.  Wean self slowly off Grecian Formula.

 

14.  Buy more Purell Instant Hand Sanitizer.

 

15.     Start work on inaugural address; appropriate to mention puppy?

 

It goes down the list to 44 items but rapidly becomes less amusing...


Here’s my (Toby Ward's) “Web to-do list” for President-elect Obama:

 

1-     Facebook friend invite Dick Cheney

 

2-     Horrified by his friends list, “remove” Dick Cheney from friends

 

3-     Redesign the country-western motif of the White House Intranet

 

4-     Mapquest “Taco Bell” with directions from 1600 Pennsylvania

 

5-     Do YouTube video serenade with Hank Williams Jr (see Toby’s video w Palin)

 

6-     Google “pest removal rednecks”

 

7-     Remove Flickr slideshows of me and Kid Rock by the lake “smoking funny things”

 

8-     Post flattering average-Joe (the plummer) pictures and comments of the White House on TripAdvisor.com

 

9-     Pre-order Barney and Miss Beazley tell-all biography on Amazon.com

 

10- Hire Dick Morris as guest blogger for new White House blog “What Keeps Me Up at Night” (hehe, you politicos will get that one)

 

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View Article  What makes me tick (Part I)

Seriously, intranets are boring. The Internet, is mildly more interesting There really is a lot more to life…

 

It occurred to me that while this blog / site is dedicated to business technology, I’ve noticed interest in non-business related blogs (from time-to-time). So, once in a blue moon I’m going to give you a little more insight into me and “what makes me tick” so that you might be able to place a personality to the individual that all-too-often is droning on about “2.0”, employee productivity, engagement… blah, blah, blah.

 

So I’m going to offer up a multi-part series on “What makes me tick” beginning with my favorite songs. For my birthday this year, even though we’ve separated now, my wife and daughters bought me an iPod. It was a fantastic gift, really, because I’d forgotten how important music is in my life, in people’s lives in general, and what an up-lifting and influential affect they can have on mood, attitude, energy level, etc. So while it was difficult to narrow this list down to something more manageable, and in no particular order, here are my all time favorite songs:

 

  1. Welcome to the Jungle - Guns N’ Roses
  2. Paradise City - Guns N’ Roses
  3. Always on the Run – Lenny Kravitz
  4. Learning to Fly – Pink Floyd
  5. Comfortably Numb – Pink Floyd
  6. So Lonely – Police
  7. Message in a Bottle – Police
  8. It Hasn’t Hit Me Yet – Blue Rodeo
  9. Little Bones – Tragically Hip
  10. Bolero – Ravel
  11. Blue Danube – Strauss
  12. Alive – Pearl Jam
  13. Red Mosquito – Pearl Jam
  14. Evenflow – Pearl Jam
  15. It’s the End of the World – REM
  16. Only the Good Die Young – Billy Joel
  17. Chan ChanBuena Vista Social Club
  18. Definition – Kruder & Dorfmeiseter
  19. Walk on the Ocean – Toad the Wet Sprocket
  20. Little Heaven – Toad the Wet Sprocket
  21. Kind of Blue  – Miles Davis
  22. Pride – U2
  23. Mass Romantic – New Pornographers
  24. When I Come Around – Green Day
  25. As Baile – Enya
  26. LA Woman – The Doors
  27. Sweet Emotion – Aerosmith
  28. All Along the Watchtower – Jimi Hendrix
  29. Bad Moon Rising – CCR
  30. Back Door – CCR
  31. You’re Nobody Till Somebody Loves You – Dean Martin
  32. Bring the Noise – Public Enemy
  33. Can I Kick It – Tribe Called Quest
  34. Enjoy the Silence – Depeche Mode
  35. Blind Faith – New Order

 

Honorable mentions (just missed out, but I couldn’t pick just one song):

 

  1. Collective Soul (too many to list)
  2. Gin Blossoms (anything off the 1st album)
  3. Public Enemy (most anything from first 4 albums)
  4. Sarah McLachlan (my neighbour)
  5. Odds (played my high school)
  6. 54-40 (went to my high school)
  7. Stone Roses
  8. Oasis
  9. Velvet Revolver
  10. Beatles
  11. Mark Isham
  12. Celine Dion (ha ha, just kidding )

 

Feel free to post your own favorites below… or to disagree with me by posting below. Part II next week on my favorite books.

 

View Article  Gare du Nord is garishly notorious

(GENEVA, SWZ) I rarely share my adventures with readers simply because… who cares what a Canadian does (beer… blah, blah…. Hockey... blah, blah…. Doughnuts… its all been done before)?! However, I’m going to make a special exception today because people need to be warned – the world needs to be warned about Gare du Nord.

 

I’ve been through Gare du Nord (GRD), the preeminent rail station in Paris, a half-dozen times or so in the last couple of years. Traveling to and from GRD via Eurostar is a breeze; other rail lines are a little more chaotic, but manageable if you’re not in a rush; the RER is a f—king nightmare.

 

Yes, I swore on this blog – for the first time in the nearly four years I’ve been writing it. Let me repeat myself for the record – just in case you thought I was drunk or just slipped on the keyboard –the Gare du Nord – RER combo is a f—king nightmare. (Caveat: this Swiss beer I’m presently drinking – only my first today so I’m quite lucent thank you – isn’t helping my mood, nor is the Geneva Airport, one of the most annoying in the Western world… good thing I’m not in Tampa drinking Busch Light).

 

Where to begin…

 

1-     Behemoth - If you’ve never been through GRD then it’s worth a look at some point. But if you’re traveling into Paris or traveling by rail, it’s very difficult to avoid. As far as I know, it’s the biggest rail station in the World (I’m not a rail roadie though so I’m only guessing… it dwarfs Waterloo in London. If there’s a bigger one then I’m damned impressed.). GRD is a monstrous network and labyrinth of rail tracks, caverns, cafes and tens-of-thousands of people (I swear there was 150,000 people there today at 2pm when I was passing through) divided into multiple levels, untold sections, hundreds of platforms and spread amongst hundreds of retail outlets and ancillary services. You’ve heard of the 10,000 pound gorilla? This is the million pound uncle – whacked-out on baguettes and Merlot, and really friggin’ mean, smelly, and vengeful.

 

2-     Signage – Hartsfield (Atlanta) and O’Hare (Chicago) International Airports are behemoths. Last time I checked, they were #1 and #2 in the World in terms of total passenger and cargo traffic; phenomenally complex cities that are stunning in their magnitude. Despite their size and complexity, it’s easy to get around these two giant airport cities because the signage and layout is so well done, and the terminals are so well organized (yes, flight delays at O’Hare are unrelated and an entirely different blog). Bear with me here… I’m building up to a point before the Swiss beer buzz kicks-in. The layout and signage at Gare du Nord... well it sucks – it sucks eggs (oeufs en francaise… or ‘ass’ if you’re on the playground). There are signs on the floor, sandwich type boards, signs on the walls, signs hanging from the ceiling, sign posts mounted on the floor, television screens of all kinds and sizes everywhere, and signs waved in your face by drivers and gypsies begging for money (or out-in-out stealing it from your pockets… more on those urchins in a bit). But these signs don’t help… they confuse, distract, and bewilder. Oh, they also come in all shapes, sizes, colours and fonts too. The signage is so bad, and the layout and organization of all the platforms, tracks, levels, and lines are so garishly awful, that station employees and other Parisian’s are confounded. I waited 30 minutes on one track after two different people, and one station employee (security guard) had told me to do so… and they frequent the place… only to find I was waiting on the wrong platform. The locals were confused; and all I was trying to find was the line to one of the world’s biggest airports, Charles de Gualle!!!!!

 

3-     Pick-pockets – The pick-pockets are bad (though I’ve never been burned as I’m too paranoid and hawkish)… but the wandering gang types are truly wonderful: they make English football hooligans look downright seductive. Aggressive street types openly wander the areas waiting to make eye contact so that they can start up a conversation, usually initiated with a “Can you spare a cigarette, buddy?” But there’s nothing ‘buddy’ about the approach or their tone… the question is not so much a query as it is a statement: “Answer my question so I have an invitation to murder you for what ever measly Euros are in your pocket because I need crystal meth something bad.” One guy asked me for change and I just ignored him without saying anything (really it’s the best policy as you most definitely want to avoid physical contact, and absolutely don’t want to get into a conversation that could distract you while his buddy robs and rapes you). This particular Don Juan didn’t take kindly to the silent treatment and started yelling at me while following me through the crowd. I’m pretty certain he had a ‘shiv’ and was gonna shank me, but I wasn’t too worried as there’s always an elite commando squadron close by. “Hah, ha Toby, very funny…” You’re thinking the Swiss beer has finally kicked in and I’m exaggerating for affect, but no, I’ve now switched to Carlsberg (god bless those Danes) and I’m quite sober thank you. In all seriousness, there are combat squads patrolling the station… multiple squads. Not single guys, or pairs, but they patrol in formations of three – two in the front, and one in the back. And they have machine guns; not on their shoulders, or over the back, or in a case, but guns-in-hand, at-the-ready, with their fingers on the trigger guards. Full fatigues, battle-ready, army personnel. You ever see Aliens (not the first, but the sequel)? Those are the bad-asses prowling GRD, and they’re everywhere. Okay, I’ve painted a bit of a canvass for you and I’ve barely scratched the surface…

 

4-     Tickets – God this one is painful and maddening to write about; the dentist or a Barry Manilow marathon are joyous holidays in comparison. I don’t know who in the hell is in charge of ticket systems at GRD, but they should be fired – instantly. Do they still have the guillotine hanging around from that little revolution they had…?!?!? I’m going to spare you most of the details here but I’ll summarize: their ticket machines don’t take credit cards (most of the time; they work some of the time… but most of the time they ask for your PIN or reject your card outright. PIN?!? For a credit card purchase?!?! Who in the hell remembers that?!?!). Your debit card won’t work either; the machines don’t take cash; and unless you have 12 euros in coins tearing a seam in your pocket, you’re S.O.L because there’s no change machines either!!!! The only thing these idiot boxes take is change and there are no change machines!!!! But they’re very pretty machines… wonderful colours. So they’re trying to sell you tickets, but you cannot buy them. But you’ll discover this after you wait in line at the machine for 15 minutes while all the other folks ahead of you try and figure out how to pay for a ticket and storm-off fuming with the frustration you’re about to wear like a Dick Cheney hangover from a hunting party. There was a couple with a child that up-and-left and went to hire a driver to take them to the airport… (the taxi line-up at GRD is another blog unto itself). Sadly, I wasn’t as smart. So now what…? You have to go buy a ticket from a human. Okay that’s reasonable, right? Get in line. The line is 30-people deep and your flight leaves from Charles de Gualle in 60 minutes – and you’re still in the purgatory otherwise known as Gare du Nord. Once you finally get your ticket, avoid certain death from a street thug, and survive the maze that could easily have doubled for the one that claimed Johnny in “The Shining”, now you’re ready to find your train…. That’s the funnest (go back and read paragraphs #1 and #2 again).

 

I could go on but I think you get the point: the next time you’re in Paris, take a taxi to the airport.

 

PS – The Danes make good beer, the Swiss don’t… but they’re all owned by the Belgians. But now that I’ve got the aforementioned off my chest, I’m just a happy Canadian on my way to Portugal. Cuidado!

 

PSS – I normally read history and business books, but my Kruschev biography is too big and heavy for this trip… so I bought and am half-way through the autobiography of Slash, lead guitarist for Guns ‘N Roses and Velvet Revolver. In a word, it’s frigging awesome! What insanity and debauchery… it doesn’t matter if you don’t like the music or disapprove of the scene or rock n’ roll lifestyle, this is a must-read look into the music world without the MTV filter, make-up, and half-rate PR shroud. Anyone read Nicky Sixx's book? Recommend?


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