Executives don't seem to care much for me but the communications, HR and IT people fight over me!
Communications sort of owns me, but HR kind of does too... and IT owns part of it, but I'm not sure what part.
Our CEO uses me all the time; last month he had his assistant look-up a phone number.
I have many neglected sisters that I've never met, but we all look and act different (I'm the cute one though). (tip to Julian Mills)
My home page design is really, really cool.... if it was 1994.
I'm so old and out-dated that I'm retro cool. Hush Puppies have nothing on me.
Microsoft doesn't run me yet... but they will! (They already pimp my sisters).
I kinda have content management; it's called Dreamweaver.
Governance? No, we're Canadian, we have premiers.
Personalized portal? We don't have time for that...
Intranet blogs? Absolutely not; legal considers them more dangerous than terrorists..
Wiki? A what now?!
My peeps always complain that they “can't find anything!” on me; and yet they refuse meta tags...
Information architecture is for suckers
Our employees don't visit our vision and values page, but they flock to the caffeteria menus (meatloaf is surprisingly popular.... “MA! THE MEATLOAF! What is she doing back there?!)
Why hire an outside expert to help when we can close our eyes and 'hope' it gets better...? (The summer student intern program will be our 'tippint point').
Employees use Facebook more than they use me.
We just banned Facebook.
The budget we spend on art for hallways is 10x my budget. What's the ROI on paintings, huh?!
The budget we spend on coffee swizzle sticks is 2x my budget. ROI not required.
I have a budget?!?!
What's my name again?
Homeland security doesn't consider me a threat (yet).
I don't have any video, intranet 2.0, or anything innovative... but not to worry, I hear the Telex is going to make a stunning comeback.
The search engine doesn't suck! You suck!
The
above opinions expressed by said intranet in no way reflect the
opinions, secret thoughts or previously blogged or tweeted advice of
the author, the Microsoft Corporation, or the writers of Wedding
Crashers. Any resemblance to real
persons, intranets, or meatloaf living or dead is purely
coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required.
Batteries not included.
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